Saturday, 7 June 2014

Candy Crush and its place in the natural order and evolution.

Every single time I occupy my preheated chair in front of my laptop, whining under a hopelessly ineffective fan, hoping to find something enticing on the Internet and social media as a salvation, I'm reminded of an inevitability, complete destruction. Nature pans out perfectly and it is only at nature's discretion how and when everything ends. Be it cathartic rainfalls in scorching summers or be it an expunging tornado, it's all a part of nature's large plan. However, what doesn't meet the eye, is the plan of all plans, the denouement, the ultimate destruction. While nature creates agents for blooming life, it also has to make sure agents are available for complete destruction. A large comet, a solar flare, a man made nuclear disaster(after all mankind is nature's own creation), and then we have the latest addition, Candy Crush. 

It's not so much about the exasperation immanent in the gameplay like it was with flappy bird which made more people land up in depression than any other historical event, this one is about omnipresence. While some people find it a little too engrossing, embodied in the game is the deleterious mechanism which some misanthropes ingrained in the game's request logic. While the game might be an Elysium for those who don't have better things to do, the game has a mechanism where others are canvassed to follow this sacreligious detrimental cult. A close inspection reveals than on an average, every Candy Crush user transmits 1521 Candy Crush requests per day of play. Assuming that even 20 percent of them could be ensnared in the deception, Candy Crush is growing at an exponential rate already. 

The second phenomenon in the game is the frequency with which its users are forced or allured to send out requests. Equally abominable predecessors like Farmville had similar mechanisms but none could match the finesse of Candy Crush. Candy Crush's overall game request engine fires requests at a pace that beats the combined muzzle of a billion tetrahydryonic multidimensional saber beam generators which are yet to be made sometime in the far future. So how does all of this work to accomplish Candy Crush's ultimate mission-  destruction of all life forms? It's pretty simple actually.

While the number of users grows exponentially, the number of requests grows at a exponential rate over this exponential increase, making it exponential raised to the power exponential, making sure that every single user of social media gets at least 10(and growing!) requests per day. For the users who get around a 100 or so notifications everyday, these notifications cause minor riling. However, for people who crave and consecrate notifications, specifically those limited ones from the ones they stalk, these 10 notifications are false alarms. Same is the case with the usual strident and vocal ones, the class that's a little too active in public discourses and political debates and is waiting for a horrid  or overwhelmingly unctuous reply coming their way, on which they live. Just imagine the grins they get while they gulp 5 Candy Crush requests for every 1 valid and valuable notification. It's as heartbreaking as it is insidious! 


A classified report from the Commission for Candy Crush Control(CCCC or C4, which is a bomb id ironically) states that an average human being burns at least 200ml blood every single day for every 8-10 Candy Crush requests that come while they expected an enthralling notification. Secondly, post a point of time, these requests take over a man's conscience in a rather unprecedented way, with people feeling no need to live anymore. Of course, your social media profile is not yours anymore, and your notifications are not that vivid. People start feeling hollow, as if their brain's cells have been Crushed and melted away with the candy they assimilated involuntarily. A few people develop diabetes of excessive candy consumption and die eventually, others lose a little too much of their brains and jump in furnaces thinking it's a confectionery kiln making candies. Remaining ones just get crushed somehow. Astonishingly though, humans also start eating every other being, thinking it's candy and slowly and steadily, the entire food chain becomes a disaster and gets crushed. 

No one could have believed that an innocuously sweet game could be so cataclysmic. While people might be cursing the users and developers alike, Candy Crush has a place in natural order. It was an inevitable thing that was meant to happen. We humans being don't have a choice. Complete destruction is a desideratum for new life to prosper again. The only shame though is that unlike the burly dinosaurs who lost to a comet, we'll lose to candies!