Saturday, 12 July 2014

Newspaper articles from the future - I

27th March 2037,
Hague Boundary Classification - Zonal 23,
Town II, Eastern Province

<Original Excerpt>
In an attempt to debilitate people from the Town II as per the latest zonal classifications released in 2029 at the monumental Hague Settlement, the local authorities carried out a massive organized genocide of the ones who chose to stay. The genocide has been critically acclaimed by many as the only effective mechanism to eliminate what they call "ruthless renegades". Surprisingly though, the same political entities, i.e the ones classified as extremists by the International Consortium of Discretionary Governance, had arraigned the local government in the zonal for carrying out planned massacres, as they were "not in line" with the overall objective of sustainability. Moreover, they also repudiated the stand of wasting precious bullets and armed men in the process. Astonishingly though, they recant their stand in the end and started supporting the move.

<Supported Article - Refer to attribution>
In a serious retribution towards what they claimed to be the zonal government's ostensible hegemony, the zonal 23 residents had organized a heinous peaceful protest followed by a contemptible procession. It was to the detriment of the altruist zonal government to allow the protests through a decree as per the provisions of the International Peaceful Protests Compendium as it pertains to matters relating to public freedom of speech and expression and the curtailment thereof.The international dictum has a clear exposition of the limits to which such peaceful processions could be allowed to function within. The protests, as is defined by the local courts, are a mode of chicanery as "peace is nothing but a deterrent to progress", and should only be allowed if ordained specifically by the venerated officials of the zonal authority on freedom exercise and restrictions. Our own inquiries suggest that these protests deem reproofing as they were not in line with our collective principles of morality. Peace shall further us in a depraved state of lumbering morality.

Reports suggest the involvement of truculent and petulant individuals who wouldn't relent in front of water canons and orders, and hence their actions alluded nothing but sacrilege and devolution of conscience and respect for zonal. Additional inquiries suggest that the supposed messiahs were dissolute in behavior and were also inebriated while protesting. Moreover, it has been reported that instead of surrendering post the initial open fire, with due subservience to the revered zonal police, the alleged individuals went wayward and shrewdly split up to escape incarceration. This was a deliberate attempt to instigate virulent behavior from others who were not even involved in the massive assault against the cognoscenti and all powerful zonal officials. Reports further suggest that half of the protesters turned marauders and started pilfering on eatables and ration as they begun to run like mice. With the help of the Hague Dispute Assistance Army, the local police were able to shoot down most of them as they foraged, exhibiting a true picture of their combined tactical excellence. We, at Free Press Media & Corporate Propaganda Perpetrator Co. Pvt Ltd, seriously scorn and chide such churlish and flagrant attacks by rebellion groups on the integrity of our machinery. We are grateful to the zonal authorities, the zonal government and the Hague authorities for resolving the issue in the nick of time. 

<Request on behalf of zonal 23 press relations and restrictions committee>
We also request you to stay away from pieces of news published by other media sources like Independent Freelance Journalism as their core agenda is rebuttal against progressive regimes like those of zonal 23 and who can only predicate their stories on age old and now obsolete gamut of guiding principles. While the same may come up with harangue and tirades for the honorable zonal 23 government and calumniate and traduce them, their main purpose is maunder around and leverage on rumor monging. These media houses come with complete independence and hence function in an highly unorganized realm with complete freedom and liberty on what to publish. It is imperative to understand that truth takes a backseat in such a straitjacketed scenario and these media houses with no appropriate corporate funding simply make faulty attempts at usurping politically and ethically correct media sources like this one. 

Attribution: When our reporters attempted an inquest into the reasons for the incident, which despite being commonplace, was a little too large in magnitude to escape attention, we were offered Libel Avoidance donations as per the provisions 27E and 32F of the International Free Press Organization. We are grateful for the zonal 23 government and hence we wouldn't present our findings as it is, and would use professional sleight and artifice to make subtle changes. Our motive was not to impugn any specific authorities in the process, but to countenance the efficacy of the global rule. We shall always remain committed to serving our partisans.