Thursday, 25 September 2014

Halls prices upped by 100%!

In what was one of the biggest price rises of all times, the doughty Mondelez raised prices of the celebrated Halls lozenges by as much as 100 percent. The 50p candy that remained a cult with students in all Indian classrooms to fight the somnolence and prevent consequences of falling asleep in front of a ruffian professor, was facing some serious competition from new entrants of late. And while a price rise was always on the cards, Halls was left with no other option but to raise by a quantum of its current price to make the coinage convenient. 

Halls, which remains an addiction with those born in 90's despite bawdy people associating impotency and other ramifications with excessive consumption, was a tool for instant oral gratification as per its original positioning. While conventional way of consuming candies was still applicable, Halls was never taken alone. It was always considered too mainstream. Halls dosages were always followed by a gulp of cold water to top up the sensation and make it persist even more. The Me Gusta feeling has been one of Halls' trademarks. 

So while brand denigration and stagnation has been very prevalent with brands from the 90's, a 50p price rise in Halls raises certain questions on market's move to not accept 50p and 25p coins even though the retailers continue to dole them out to the grin of their customers. A customer(who wished to be named but why should we name him, huh?) blatantly burst out on shopkeepers saying that "either they hand me out an eclairs which I can't eat as I've no teeth or they roll out two 50p dimes". We received no comment from the product manager of Halls as he was relishing a bath in the overhead tank of his home, which is partially filled with Halls lozenges, as per a butler

Interestingly, neither the CPI nor the CPM or TMC are willing to foment public outrage by misleading them or alluring them for 12 Rupees and a rotten banana to act as adversaries. However, an online pole conducted on the DeepWeb resulted in some astonishing findings. While 35 percent of the Halls eaters who didn't smoke were simply sad now that they won't get "1 me 2", the other 65 percent believe that this is a part of a larger conspiracy to wipe out the smoking junta off the planet, given that this followed a price rice in Cigarettes as well, Interestingly though, Halls penetration in Pan Shops was always on the drop due to new and innovative products like My Bite(German literal for Mein Kampf, supposedly). 

Another issue which points to the esurient media is that no attention was paid to such an important and path breaking news. Media personnel could be seen haggling around in zoos, competing with the rabidness of the animals trapped in cages, or they could be seen defending their schmuck stand against a celebrity, whom they thought would be easy to toy around with not knowing that she was a little to tall for that to happen. The remaining ones were seen calling the Chinese delegate using roman numeral conversions or praising India's Mars mission while having problems with their own reception networks. Glad we were there to save the world this time around.