Saturday, 19 September 2015

The worth of a worthless man!

Yet another day full of sporadic decision making, debilitating circumstances, harrowing situations, a hand full of disparaging from detractors, a more substantial exalting from your clan, all culminating into yet another night, yet another slumber, full of contemplation, full of trains of thoughts, of a mental fiefdom that forces him to stay up, and fatigue - both mental and physical, that lulls him into a sea of impropriety. Such is a day, every day, in the life of a worthless man. 

Born a renegade, he failed to succumb to society's norms. And yet he grew up to be a part of the parade of lackeys that marches through the shackles of a moribund civilization everyday. He refused to stoop in his mental warfare, and yet he cowered when his innovative ideas were turned down in favor of the orthodoxy. He climbed a psychic ladder to intellectual nirvana everyday by building on core skills and knowledge, and he crumbled in the corporate hierarchy because of his lack of adherence. He priced his moral freedom and the right to exercise his volition of thoughts. And yet he cringed everyday when he was vituperated by many for being a heretic. He was a slowly fading tinge of authenticity in a sea of commonplace derriere. 

He went on with his life and attained wisdom to wade through a stolid world's vagaries. Bogged down with the pace with which normality lurched in everyone's life, he still managed to play by the basics, and at the same time being much more contemporary in his outlook. Wailing through the stupor of global malarkey and maleficence, he jumped on pebbles of universal sanity, only to see no such pebbles ahead of him one fine day. And he found himself on the crossroads that would decide his fate. Either he was to plunge in the sea of commotion and be purged and pruned in the eyes of the populace, or he was to reduce a part of himself to form another pebble to impel on. 

As expected, he went with the latter and the much more difficult journey. With poignancy of losing out on his tranquil self, and thereby facing public ire for his virulent contempt for the commons' code of conduct, he withered and whined every single day. His days were full of despondence as it is, but he simply let his predilection for confrontation go a bit too far. As it is, he stumbled on the set pathway with set instructions for anyone to follow, every single day! His overt creativity ruined his results, his speck of imagination nearly damaged his boss's by the book cult status, and his panache for revolutionary thinking ended up in a mail chain where multiple seniors at all levels enjoyed a potpourri of criticism full of jibe and brevity. So he plunged into the abyss of further misery because as it is he led a dismal existence! 

He moved on for a while, drastically reduced to a macabre and an ailing vagrant, still elated on thinking of himself as a trailblazer of sorts. Truth be told, he was one nonetheless. But he failed no one else but himself. Chided by most onlookers as a loser, and still praised by a few of his own types as being a mercenary, he fought through the riling gaze of every onlooker, who seemed to be reeling under happiness, sanguine with the aplomb and the assurance that he or she played it right by leading life like it was meant to be. They went a step further to thank everyone who told them not to be brazen, not to be inquisitive, not to be non compliant, not to be recalcitrant and most importantly to be submissive to almost any possible authority - both religious or moral. 

Our travailing man was now reduced to bones and sinew that held them together. He had hurled enough pebbles out of his already blanching body. Reduced to tatters billowing with every passing sliver of wind, he couldn't even move till the next pebble on the trot. Too afraid to fall in the sea of foofaraw beneath, and too skeptical about spending all that was left of his energy to jump till the next one, he was once again at the crossroads. In fact as he looked back, every day, every moment and every other decision was crossroads. He suddenly introspected on the journey of his life and saw he was always deemed worthless because of his lack of courage to work hard, while what he worked on creatively to spring some magic no one was capable of seeing. He was lampooned to be a man without a purpose, while putting colors over the canvas of life seemed to be larger than any purpose to him. And last but not the least, he was accused of being indignant to his fellows because he never helped anyone. While in reality, he was always busy in helping them in ways that transcended the meager human senses. 

He suddenly saw life for what it was; an endeavor to live purely for the sake of living it. While he resented the fact that he always came across as a no show - a man culpable of neglect and mental debauchery. He suddenly saw his life was meant to be like that. He suddenly saw that his struggle against the everyday chores he so badly deplored was not struggle after all. It was in fact the only destiny meant for him. And so be it with this one last struggle of his life. To jump or not to jump was not the question anymore. But even the next pebble didn't seem lucrative enough to him anymore. He was no longer circumspect. He in fact found himself to be at the visible cusp of the giant planet, as if he could gander through the glistening universe in one single go if he finally took the leap. All through that final speck of emotion, through that last shred of energy, he finally took off, through the eerie ether, through the much more congested human mental imbroglio, and finally with the escape velocity of the most hallowed prayer made to the most supreme force, he evaded the human tragedy once and for all. And as he did that, he saw his worth for the last, and definitely, the only time. And boy was it worthy at the end!